We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
