He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
