I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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