i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
