u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
