Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
