This girl is more easily done than said...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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