Got a toothbrush?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
