Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
