i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
