One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
