Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
