I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
