So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
