Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
