Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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