I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
