Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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