We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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