She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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