just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
