It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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