He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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