Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
