Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
