ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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