my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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