God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
