so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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