Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Let's get the cat blown out
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
