I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
