I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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