and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
