I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
