i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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