I want to make a zoo with you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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