Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
