drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
