you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
