the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
