It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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