Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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