I could have mohawked her pubes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
