Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
