I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
