so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
