so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
