You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
