What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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