even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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