Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
