you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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