Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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