I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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