she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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