I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
